One way to stop enabling a person with a mental health disorder is by first educating yourself on their condition. It can also end up in worsened outcomes in relationships and the overall situation, as destructive behaviors continue they come with higher risk. Being an enabler can take a toll on a person’s mental health, physical health, and overall well-being. If they can rely on their enabler to keep them from facing consequences, it becomes incredibly difficult for them to build a healthier life on their own. Enabling another person’s behavior also can lead to them struggling for longer periods of time, since they never learn the skills they need to break out of the destructive cycle they are in. An overprotective parent may become an enabler when they allow their child, even an adult child, to neglect responsibilities or continue doing things that are harmful to them.
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What is an Enabler and How to Stop Enabling Someone
Create profiles for personalised advertising. By Sanjana GuptaSanjana is a health writer and editor. Enabling behavior is typically driven by hope, guilt, fear, and love. Breaking this pattern can be the first step toward breaking the cycle of harmful behavior. John C. Umhau, MD, MPH, CPE is board-certified in addiction medicine and preventative medicine. Her work spans various health-related topics, including mental health, fitness, nutrition, and wellness.
Breaking this pattern requires setting firm boundaries and encouraging the child to take responsibility for their own recovery. For the enabler, this can be emotionally draining and damaging to their self-esteem. However, it is often because they think that things will get worse if they aren’t there for their loved ones in the way they think they need them. Some specialists and professionals can help you or your loved one to recover from SUD. Handling a person with SUD is stressful and challenging.
Other people tell you you’re enabling
For example, giving them information about mental health professionals in the area that might help. When you empower someone, you’re giving them the tools they need to overcome or move beyond the challenges they face. There’s often a fine line between enabling and empowering. They can also help you learn ways to empower, rather than enable, your loved one. For this, it might be helpful to reach out to a mental health professional. Enabling behavior is often unintentional and stems from a desire to help.
- With codependency, a person relies on the other person for support in essentially all aspects of their life, especially emotionally.
- Enablers, even if well-intentioned, allow a person to continue destructive behaviors.
- In addition to regular financial support, some enablers will also pay for a person’s bail or court costs to further avoid any negative consequences of their actions.
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Someone with an addiction needs to take accountability for their actions and take steps to improve their lives. Keeping alcohol or other drugs accessible can make it difficult for someone with an addiction. It’s not easy for someone with substance abuse problems to avoid drugs or alcohol.
The reason you’re letting your needs go unmet matters. You remember when they drank very little, so you tell yourself they don’t have a problem. It also makes it harder for your loved one to ask for help, even if they know they need help to change. Denying the issue can create challenges for you and your loved one. You reassure them you aren’t concerned, that they don’t drink that much, or otherwise deny there’s an issue. They could say they’ve only tried drugs once or twice but don’t use them regularly.
You can pay for living expenses bills directly, if necessary, but do not give any cash money that could be used to buy alcohol or drugs. It’s time to have a serious conversation about getting professional help for your loved one. If you want to stop enabling another person, you must get help for yourself first. Addiction is a complex disease of the brain and it’s difficult to understand if you’ve never had a problem with drugs or alcohol. Don’t provide financial support for bad behavior6.
Why Do People Enable Bad Behavior?
You have to make them understand the gravity of their actions and behavior. There is a fine line between providing support and enabling. However, giving money is enabling if they always use it irresponsibly. There’s nothing wrong with extending financial help to a loved one from time to time. This, of course, is harder if you insinuate that their behaviors are acceptable by blaming others.
Engage in empowering behaviors
Sometimes it may mean lending a financial hand to those you love. This may encourage them to continue acting the same way. You may find yourself running the other person’s errands, doing their chores, or even completing their work.
Tell your loved one that you are there to help in a positive way, but you will not be covering up for them anymore. Be firm, yet supportive. Now that you know more about addiction, stop denying there is a problem and confront it head on. The people in these groups have been where you are now, and they can provide much what does being an enabler mean needed guidance and encouragement. Practice self-care to ensure your physical and mental well-being is prepared to take on the journey of recovery.
How to Stop Enabling a Mentally Ill Person?
Sanjana is a health writer and editor.
- Enabling can also be a way of protecting those we love from others’ scrutiny — or protecting ourselves from acknowledging a loved one’s shortcomings.
- You may also consider talking with your friends and family, so you don’t have to do it alone.
- The following signs can help you recognize when a pattern of enabling behavior may have developed.
- For example, giving money to a loved one who uses it for drugs or alcohol, or covering for someone’s bad behavior, are forms of enabling.
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Often, people are unaware they are enabling their loved ones and have good intentions. Recognizing the pattern of enabler behavior is important because it can help us understand the role the enabler is playing in the person’s harmful habits. According to the American Psychological Association, an enabler is someone who permits, encourages, or contributes to someone else’s maladaptive behaviors.
Four Types of Enabling
With codependency, a person relies on the other person for support in essentially all aspects of their life, especially emotionally. A person may want to help but at the same time not know when they need to set a boundary. It can be very difficult to see a loved one face challenges with substance abuse. Enabling is very commonly seen in the context of substance abuse, substance use disorders, and addiction.
A sign of enabling behavior is to put someone else’s needs before yours, particularly if the other person isn’t actively contributing to the relationship. Enabling behavior might be preventing them from facing the consequences of their actions. But even if all you want is to support your loved one, enabling may not contribute to the situation the way you might think it does. In other words, enabling is directly or indirectly supporting someone else’s unhealthy tendencies. As with other behaviors, you can manage and change enabling tendencies. Learning how to identify the main signs can help you prevent and stop enabling behaviors in your relationships.
But avoiding discussion prevents you from bringing attention to the problem and helping your loved one address it in a healthy, positive way. You might decide it’s better just to ignore the behavior or hide your money. Whether your loved one continues to drink to the point of blacking out or regularly takes money out of your wallet, your first instinct might be to confront them. But your actions can give your loved one the message that there’s nothing wrong with their behavior — that you’ll keep covering for them. If you believe your loved one is looking for attention, you might hope ignoring the behavior will remove their incentive to continue. Even if you personally disagree with a loved one’s behavior, you might ignore it for any number of reasons.
It keeps both people stuck—one avoiding responsibility and the other carrying more than they should. They might think, “It’s my job to protect him because we’re family,” but in reality, they’re shielding him from the consequences he needs to face to grow. As an adult, they might enable a brother’s substance use by calling his boss to make excuses when he misses work. For example, an adult sibling who grew up with a parent struggling with addiction might have learned to avoid conflict and “fix” problems to hold the family together.
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